Don't Label Me ... or Yourself!
In recent weeks, I have been talking with Susan Bernstein from Work From Within, based on the West Coast of the States. We have shared ideas about the way music and the body and emotions have connections, and that often bodily movement/dance is a way to access blocked or stored emotions, released or acknowledged within a musical context. Somehow we wanted to take this forward and I asked Susan if she would write a post for this blog...which she did, and is below. Susan's blog and her website are both fantastic and a real source of encouragement, knowledge and information. Her post is below.....thank you Susan!
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I've been having an interesting set of conversations across the ocean with Dan Thomas of Music At Work based in Wales, UK, who does corporate training using music. (He's got a great blog, too, The Sound Approach -- clever!) Both trained as therapists (Dan in music therapy, me in psychotherapy), we are using our expertise in non-traditional ways. But, really, what are "traditional" ways?
Dan asked me to share an article for his blog, and we got to talking about how it should be about "art therapy." But then, am I an artist? And what about art therapy? What do I know about "art"?
The trouble here...LABELS.
What we choose to call something, someone, or an experience is really important. Our mind tends to categorize. We like to find patterns. That's all well and good -- until putting a label on something blocks us. It's like being boxed in, unable to get out of the confinement of the label.
Here's a common label trap: Most people I know who, when approached at a party with the line, "What do you do?" start by saying something like "I'm an engineer." "I'm a publisher." "I'm a marketing manager." Then starts the chit-chat about what we've been doing at work. Snooze-a-rama. This boredom and self-limitation, I believe, is fostered by labels. It's like we want to be easily understood. We want to fit in.
When I was in high school, the ultimate time of needing to "fit in," my parents were strapped for cash. I went to the equivalent of Beverly Hills High in the posh 90210 zip code, and dressing right was a ticket to popularity. I wanted a pair of Calvin Klein jeans soooo badly, just to show I was part of the "in" crowd. I ultimately saved up enough money and bought that pair, which I wore over and over again, much to my embarrassment.
Yet, somewhere deep down, I knew this was all wrong. I knew I didn't need the jeans to make me popular. But they were a short-hand. A visible sign. An external symbol.
As an adult, I'm much more prone to "watch it" when it comes to labels, because I know that they are not exactly helpful. Labels can limit us. Both Daniel and I spoke about how damaging labels can be in psychotherapy. "You're bipolar" a therapist tells her patient, and this crushes his self-esteem. Instead, it might be more productive, and humane, to tell that patient, "it seems that you have a constellation of symptoms that has these characteristics...does that feel right to you?" "Well, if it does, you can know that this happens in X% of the population, and it's treatable. These symptoms are generally known as belonging to bipolar constellation, and here's what we can do about them."
Instead of slapping the label on the person, we describe a series of characteristics. And, how we describe them matters, too.
The issue of labeling came up again when I was telling Dan about a recent time when I facilitated a workshop called Set Your Dreams in Motion. In that workshop, I help people to embody their dreams, and use movement, music, body awareness, visualization, and a host of other techniques (yes, labels again!) to energize dreams they have and help them find their next steps.
When we talked about her dream, one of the participants, who has a dream of starting her own business, quickly noticed "Oooh, my stomach is tight," She immediately started to say, "Well, that tightness means I'm nervous. And I've always been nervous. So, what am I supposed to do?"
"Stop! Label patrol! You're busted!"
"You've been caught attaching the label of what your sensation means. You said that the tightness means you're nervous. " Don't be so sure!"
Well, I didn't really bust her like that. What I did do: I asked her if she could leave the story behind, and just bring her attention to the tightness, and to let it move or shift or get stronger or weaker, but just to notice and not do anything to intentionally change the sensation and not make any interpretation of the tightness. Just let it do it's own thing, and describe what was true.
Wow! What emerged next? The woman sighed, and then put a hand on her tight stomach area. She got very quiet, and said, "Oh, the tightness is less now. Huh. There's a kind of rumbling. Now that area is all warm. Oooh, and it gets sort of cooler." Perfect! These are truths...facts, not interpretations. No judgments. Wonderful! This leaves room for movement...both literal and metaphoric.
Then this future business owner said, "Oh, it's actually telling me that I don't need to be so tight. I can loosen up on myself, give myself more time and permission to make mistakes with this dream."
Where did that wisdom come from? It certainly didn't come from her know-it-all, gotta-be-right brain. It didn't come from her flamboyant ego. It emerged from within her, because she allowed it.
Dan and I talked about how powerful it can be to just "be with" an issue or feeling as it is emerging. To notice it's essential qualities, but to avoid getting attached to some label, a set of words.
One of the joys Dan and I both find in music is the freedom from words. You can dance to music, hum to music, just hang out and "be" with music. So, I invite you to do the same with yourself. When you catch yourself wanting to put a label on yourself ("I'm stupid," "I'm just a junior manager," "I'm only a student," "Yeah, I'm a klutz"), get some music and stomp and sway and glide the way you feel. Make nonsense sounds. Play!
And, please, stay away from labels!
--------------------------------------------------
I've been having an interesting set of conversations across the ocean with Dan Thomas of Music At Work based in Wales, UK, who does corporate training using music. (He's got a great blog, too, The Sound Approach -- clever!) Both trained as therapists (Dan in music therapy, me in psychotherapy), we are using our expertise in non-traditional ways. But, really, what are "traditional" ways?
Dan asked me to share an article for his blog, and we got to talking about how it should be about "art therapy." But then, am I an artist? And what about art therapy? What do I know about "art"?
The trouble here...LABELS.
What we choose to call something, someone, or an experience is really important. Our mind tends to categorize. We like to find patterns. That's all well and good -- until putting a label on something blocks us. It's like being boxed in, unable to get out of the confinement of the label.
Here's a common label trap: Most people I know who, when approached at a party with the line, "What do you do?" start by saying something like "I'm an engineer." "I'm a publisher." "I'm a marketing manager." Then starts the chit-chat about what we've been doing at work. Snooze-a-rama. This boredom and self-limitation, I believe, is fostered by labels. It's like we want to be easily understood. We want to fit in.
When I was in high school, the ultimate time of needing to "fit in," my parents were strapped for cash. I went to the equivalent of Beverly Hills High in the posh 90210 zip code, and dressing right was a ticket to popularity. I wanted a pair of Calvin Klein jeans soooo badly, just to show I was part of the "in" crowd. I ultimately saved up enough money and bought that pair, which I wore over and over again, much to my embarrassment.
Yet, somewhere deep down, I knew this was all wrong. I knew I didn't need the jeans to make me popular. But they were a short-hand. A visible sign. An external symbol.
As an adult, I'm much more prone to "watch it" when it comes to labels, because I know that they are not exactly helpful. Labels can limit us. Both Daniel and I spoke about how damaging labels can be in psychotherapy. "You're bipolar" a therapist tells her patient, and this crushes his self-esteem. Instead, it might be more productive, and humane, to tell that patient, "it seems that you have a constellation of symptoms that has these characteristics...does that feel right to you?" "Well, if it does, you can know that this happens in X% of the population, and it's treatable. These symptoms are generally known as belonging to bipolar constellation, and here's what we can do about them."
Instead of slapping the label on the person, we describe a series of characteristics. And, how we describe them matters, too.
The issue of labeling came up again when I was telling Dan about a recent time when I facilitated a workshop called Set Your Dreams in Motion. In that workshop, I help people to embody their dreams, and use movement, music, body awareness, visualization, and a host of other techniques (yes, labels again!) to energize dreams they have and help them find their next steps.
When we talked about her dream, one of the participants, who has a dream of starting her own business, quickly noticed "Oooh, my stomach is tight," She immediately started to say, "Well, that tightness means I'm nervous. And I've always been nervous. So, what am I supposed to do?"
"Stop! Label patrol! You're busted!"
"You've been caught attaching the label of what your sensation means. You said that the tightness means you're nervous. " Don't be so sure!"
Well, I didn't really bust her like that. What I did do: I asked her if she could leave the story behind, and just bring her attention to the tightness, and to let it move or shift or get stronger or weaker, but just to notice and not do anything to intentionally change the sensation and not make any interpretation of the tightness. Just let it do it's own thing, and describe what was true.
Wow! What emerged next? The woman sighed, and then put a hand on her tight stomach area. She got very quiet, and said, "Oh, the tightness is less now. Huh. There's a kind of rumbling. Now that area is all warm. Oooh, and it gets sort of cooler." Perfect! These are truths...facts, not interpretations. No judgments. Wonderful! This leaves room for movement...both literal and metaphoric.
Then this future business owner said, "Oh, it's actually telling me that I don't need to be so tight. I can loosen up on myself, give myself more time and permission to make mistakes with this dream."
Where did that wisdom come from? It certainly didn't come from her know-it-all, gotta-be-right brain. It didn't come from her flamboyant ego. It emerged from within her, because she allowed it.
Dan and I talked about how powerful it can be to just "be with" an issue or feeling as it is emerging. To notice it's essential qualities, but to avoid getting attached to some label, a set of words.
One of the joys Dan and I both find in music is the freedom from words. You can dance to music, hum to music, just hang out and "be" with music. So, I invite you to do the same with yourself. When you catch yourself wanting to put a label on yourself ("I'm stupid," "I'm just a junior manager," "I'm only a student," "Yeah, I'm a klutz"), get some music and stomp and sway and glide the way you feel. Make nonsense sounds. Play!
And, please, stay away from labels!
posted by musicatwork at 7:46 am
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